Thursday, August 13, 2009

Wherever, Whenever, Whatever....

I remember when I got to elementary school, while some people wanted to be fire fighters, some people want to be police officers, I wanted to be just like my Dad. I didn't even know what he does just that he's in the Army and a soldier. And for that simple reason, I wanted to be just like him and because it seems so "cool".

Same thing when I got to junior high school, ya I love football and wish to play professionally but still, I wanted to do what my Dad does. I wanted to follow in his footsteps and I wanted to just be like him. It wouldn't be the first time I talked about enlisting and like a wise Dad and parent, he would tell me to get through high school, get a good education then "we'll talk".

Up to the day I got hurt, I wanted to be just like my dad. I wanted to go to BCT, to walk the path he walked before, to carry the rifle he did before (though I'm sure it's nearly impossible but hey one can wish) and even get yelled at by the same he did before. (another near impossible task but hey it'd be cool) And when I got hurt...I think those dreams haven't gone away, they just sit behind my brain like it's an impossible wish. And even then, I want to do what my Dad does. I want to be just like him.

Lately I've seen staying up rather late just so I could finish my summer homework for school. With less than a week of school left, it's really rush time. I'm used to my Dad getting up early for PT and sometimes, he even asks me if I want to tag along. But when I heard his footsteps way early this morning, I knew something was up but just chose not to say anything.

We had coffee together and sat around the dinner table to talk about things that's been going on. He talked about the real world, about people's view on this so called "disability" of mine and about doing what you love and enjoy doing. When he told me he's got a job to do, I know not to question and yet as I sat there and listened to him, I can't help but wonder where he's going this time and just when he'll be back.

Then he told me this time is different, I not only have to look after myself, my Mom, and even my sister inside of Mom right now. He told me this may be one of the biggest task I will ever have to handle and with school year about to start, it just adds to the stress. And like the Dad I know he added "knowing you, I know you can do it. You ARE my son."

Couldn't help but smile, geeze...Dads.

After Dad left, I decided to make breakfast for Mom just so we can have breakfast together. There was a deadly silent in the house. Maybe too silent because as I was about to knock on my parents' door, I could hear my Mom crying, sobbing, and asking why. At that moment, I wish I was a genie so I can grant my Mom many wishes and I bet one would be for Dad to be home.

Like I said, I've always wanted to be like Dad and do what he does. And if given the chance, I'd do it in a heartbeat. There is one thing I highly dislike about Dad's job, though. Simple words like "I got to go" or "I got a mission" and all we can do is hope that he'll be home soon. It truly is a double edged sword. In ways it's a good thing that we don't know where Dad will be going but at the same time, it worries Mom and me not knowing where he's going.

Wherever he's going, I just hope he stays safe.
Whenever he's coming back, I just hope it's before Mom's due date.
Whatever he may be doing, I hope he knows that Mom, the baby, and I are all thinking of him and missing him every minute he's gone.

I got it Dad, don't worry, I got it.
I love you Dad, come home soon.


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