Monday, April 27, 2009

Of all the things that can kill you

It's funny of all the things in nature that can kill you, especially on the job of the military life. Of all things, the irony hits close to home again when a SpecOps soldier collapsed and died. Not because he was on the job, or because of he was deployed, simply "a cardiac event"

Talk about irony.

It's funny in a way that people say there are dangerous things out there in the world that can kill you. From violence to wars but people don't worry about their own bodies. Simple things you can do everyday that will make you live longer and people tend to ignore it and look at the big picture like violence or wars.

What's wrong with that picture?

Though I never met the man, I knew this couldn't be a good news coming from a 25-year old SSG. Just 25 years old...and a cardiac problem. Really...we all need to take better care of ourselves and expect the unexpected. RIP SSG.

God Speed

Parts of the article:
SpecOps soldier dies while running marathon
The Associated Press
Posted : Monday Apr 27, 2009 7:03:11 EDT
NASHVILLE, Tenn. — Army officials say a runner who collapsed and died after at the Country Music Marathon was a special operations aviation soldier based at Fort Campbell, Ky.

The army said in news release Sunday the runner was Staff Sgt. Benjamin “Levi” Pigman, a 25-year-old native of Hamilton, Mont.

Pigman collapsed Saturday after he completed the half-marathon at the event. He was treated at the scene and then transported to Nashville General Hospital, where he died, the release said.

Bruce Herring, president of Elite Racing, said Saturday the runner died of a “sudden cardiac event.”

You can read the full article here.

Thursday, April 23, 2009

ERs really need some fixin'

So...bad day.

Good to start off, good weather, good breakfast, great day till I found out my catheter is blocked for some reason. Fuck.

So I called up Mom and have her excuse me and I drove to the ER hoping to get help with this situation, I need to, or else it just might be death or worse...AD. (Autonomic Dysreflexia)

After getting to the ER, like usual, it was packed. Ok ya no problem, I went up to the nurse and told her my situation and she stared at me and said, "We'll fix you up in no time."

Usually with situations like this, I usually get first dips before the guy complaining of a small cut on his hand or say...chopped off finger. Don't worry, I didn't see anyone like that today, just a couple old people and some kids and this one dude that got banged up during a car accident, nothing big, really. So after looking around, good thing, I can go back to school before I miss anything too major. Can't believe I was thinking that because I never made it back to school. Spend more than half the day waiting at the ER.

I can't wait half a day, that would really kill me or like I said, worse. Look up Autonomic Dysreflexia, you'll know how serious it is that I get this situation taken care of. I was at this point, freaking out. I was starting to have headaches, I was sweating (you're probably thinking "big deal" I sweat. Look up spinal injury and sweating, you'll know ABs-able bodied- and people like me don't sweat the same) and legs are starting to feel cold.

Scared, yes I was. I didn't even want to think about the what-ifs when they're not going to fix me up. So I asked to be seen and still same answer, "We'll see you soon."


When I opened my eyes again, I was laying in bed with this nice IV in my arm. A nurse told me they fixed the situation and if I want to go home I could. I asked what happened, they said I passed out then they gave me some Hydralazine, some Clonidine and other meds and I'm good to go if I wanted to.

Yes, I want to. And it was already 1600. Crap, school's over. I called up Mom and told her I'm fine and was on my way home. Extremely bad and eventful day. I got some Prazosin and Clonidine as a goodbye "gift" from the ER.

So...what I got out of today?
ERs no longer stand for Emergency. More like "Er, I'm still waiting."

When are they going to change that?
Just glad I'm home and for once, happy that I'm studying for the AP test coming up soon.

Monday, April 20, 2009

Monday Rant

Aside from the normal "Oh shit it's Monday" thoughts, this day was just way too long and with it being 420 I can't believe the people asking me to go out and "have fun" though we know if we ever get caught, it would be us getting the heat from our parents and other people on post. "Well then don't get caught." a friend of mine said. I Dad's got connections, my Mom's got connections, even my great-grandfather who lives miles away have connections. I rather not take the risk.

So as usually, got home finished up the chores and what I need to do, hopped on Twitter and starting to wonder why the fuck did I signed up for it in the first place. It have become to popular, people are now looking for followers. Wait, let me rephrase, begging for followers so they can be on the top charts. And what "better" way than make it a competition? (Bullshit!)

What has this world come to. Twitter wars on who's got more followers than others? What the hell? You know who I blame? Ashton Kutcher. He had the guts to challenge CNN and now US Army? What the fuck is he thinking? And the people following his lead afraid of being too "chicken", what the hell are they thinking?

Lord...what has this world come to. People don't go to bars to get drunk and fight anymore. They open their fridge, grab a couple packs of beers, hop on the internet and fight with others. What the....

Twitter/Internet wars aside, I had the "great" chance to discover an article on talking about the amount of suicides in March. (Read the complete article here) Reading through it is making me depress but it's the real world right, people need to be educated.

Ya life is tough but military life seems even tougher. With deployments of a year, the break ups, the make ups, the divorce, and all that...that rate seem to have a "good" reason to climb up the charts. I think we should all stop and breathe. Then help others around us. They said that life on post brings people, families, closer together. But why aren't we, the family, helping each other when there seem to be distress of a battle buddy seems just a bit off? Even when there aren't signs of thoughts of suicides. I'm sure there are little things we can improve about our lives to make others better.

And strangely, at 2122, my mind is wondering if Dad and other family member got even the slightest thoughts of killing themselves...

I better get going and help them now before it's too late.
Monday Rant and now back to homework and studying.

Sunday, April 19, 2009

Wow it's been awhile...

Jeeze can't believe how busy I have been since I last wrote. It's 2230, had a busy Sunday and I'm still up studying and doing papers. So, taking a break, thought I write some stuff.

Like I said, it's been busy, after I got out of the hospital I had roughly a week to make up all my test before spring break so the proper grades will be entered to the progress report. I managed to study none stop and well, glad it's over. Had fun at the military ball that weekend and felt like I was somewhat back in the "loop" in terms of school and so on. Of course, I missed a bunch of school events which I wasn't happy about but hey it's life.

Spring break went fairly well, one of Dad's friend flew in for a visit but didn't know Dad was gone so he's pretty much hanging out with us till the end of his leave. Everything went alright till we found out someone on post was killed overseas and the nightmare happened again when someone else in Knox was killed.

Spc. Adam M. Kuligowski

When shit like that felt like everything around you stopped and time just doesn't seem like they're there anymore. None of us felt like hanging out, none of us felt like doing our homework, study, or even talk. Because when the news goes around, you can't help but think about your Dad or your Mom or maybe your brothers, sisters, uncles, aunts that are still serving out there. You can't help but think of the unthinkable. It's human instinct and you hate to think something bad but you can't help it. And that...most of the time, kills us slowly inside. But somehow, someway, we find our way to kick ourselves up and do what needs to be done. Weird thing is when all that slows down and you finally get the time to think, you can't help but wonder what you did wrong, what you could have done differently when the person was still around and more. Eventually you break down, you cry, you blame yourself, you blame others and zone yourself out. They called it "survivors guilt"...I didn't think it existed but it does.

Staff Sgt. Gary “Lee” Woods Jr.

When I was 7th grade, for some reason I developed a habit of looking at the casualty list from both Iraq and Afghanistan. Some part of me, when I read through the names, is glad that Dad's name or someone else I know isn't on those lists. I feel selfish for thinking that now. I feel ignorant and immature. It doesn't matter if we know them or not, it doesn't matter what branch they were from, what background they came from or what their favorite music was. They were family, the military family, and loosing any one of them hurt. Doesn't matter how many parents, brothers, sisters, aunts and uncles have fallen, every single one we loose still hurts. Because loosing family hurts.

But we carry on their name, we will forever be proud of who they are and not who they were. And eventually, we'll put a smile on our faces. Not because we finally got over a lost of a family member but because we know no matter how much it hurts, how many tears dropped, we will always and I say always be proud of every single one of them.

My deepest condolences go out to the families who lost their loved ones. (If you're reading this, I love you Aunt Beth, don't worry, we still love and miss Uncle Jerry, even though he is an %*&^, just kidding) You're not alone and please remember we are always a family. Now I didn't know Spc Kuligowski nor SSG Woods before I heard the news but somehow...I know they are my brothers and they always will be.

Rest In Peace, Spc Kuligowski
Rest In Peace, SSG Woods

God Speed

Friday, April 3, 2009

Three years and it's not supposed to bother me...

Three years and it's not supposed to bother why am I so upset...

It's been almost three years since I got hurt and trust me, these three years, I have heard a lot of shit said to me. I have heard a lot of insults and guff. All the words that were said, somehow, I never let those get to me.

And today, some simple talk with some girl with no harsh words anywhere along the conversation, I was offended and soon, turned extremely upset. I got hurt three years ago. Four some years ago, I was another guy looking around to get fame through football and maybe other ways to get around. I was just another freshman thinking I am on top of the world. Three years ago, I became a new man.

And I still wonder why at the most random times, little shit in life upsets me to an extreme. I wonder why I am here doing what I do. I wonder why I get up every morning to put on a smile for me and everyone else.

Just a small talk that got me extremely upset. I might not even go to the ball. And for the rest of spring break, I know what I will be doing. Sitting in my chair and wonder about the what ifs. And somehow hoping that this is all a dream and when I wake up, I can walk again. I can step on the field again and every thing will be just the way it was four years ago.

Dream on're in it for good....