Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Feel Like Writing...

After waking up at 0500 with 5-6 hours of sleep…I realized this is the longest I’ve slept in a long time. (I know what you’re thinking "What? 5-6 hours, only?!?" but really it’s good hours for me considering the number of hours I've slept total just this week.) I'm not exactly sure why I slept that long (maybe it was cuz of practice or maybe it was from recent lack of sleep.) but I felt like I slept for days when I woke up. I even went out and ran a couple miles, it was a great morning indeed.

Tennis practice was canceled due to bad weather and now I feel like writing so be warned, this may be a long post.

First order of business: Can't tell you guys how much both my family and I appreciate everyone who have been asking about Sean, checking up on him, and even send him get well cards to cheer him up (Thanks Brooke! :D) As you guys may or may not know, Sean’s surgery was on the 5th, after leaving ICU and back to his regular rooms on the 9th, he once again start on his 6 weeks chemotherapy treatments on the 10th (and yes, radiation will come later). With the start of tennis practice yesterday and school starting in less than two days, I feel as if I'm letting Sean down. The "I'll be back, be good" I said to him a couple weeks ago is still on my mind. This is a time when I wish I live closer to the hospital just so I can visit him. Since the hospital is two hours drive away (one-way) from post, visiting him on weekdays just seem impossible. Hopefully I can work out some schedule for weekend visits and truly hope he doesn't "hate" me for not showing up if I can't. So once again thank you guys for the prayers, the good thoughts, and good mojo for Sean, my family and I truly appreciate it!

With the PCS, summer homework, and Sean…I never really had the time to think how many days of summer I got left, true I keep a countdown clock (yes I know I'm a nerd) I never really paid attention. Two nights ago, for some reason, I decided to expand my college search. I was looking at both different majors for the colleges already on my list and even other colleges I can add to the list. That's when I realized…school is starting soon and that means, I'm a senior. Strangely just four years ago I was wondering when I’m going to graduate and get out of this "hell hole" and now with only a year left, I am wishing for time to slow down.

Unlike my civilian friends, I didn't attend one single high school and though making friends over and over again can be quite difficult, I found "fun" in this "challenge" and while looking at colleges, I'm thinking about my friends I made back in Freshman, Sophomore, and even Junior year. I'm wondering if they're doing the same and if they all miss the same thing I am missing; if they all wish for the same thing, for time to slow down so we all can cherish this one last time. Because really, before we know it, they'll be calling our names on graduation day and I bet we all would wish for time to turn back.

Strange how my brain works…

Back to the college list, I've extended my college list by one, adding University of Kentucky to the original list (University of Memphis, Ohio State, University of Florida, University of Colorado at Colorado Springs, and University of Colorado at Denver) and yes, Memphis, Ohio State, and Florida are still my top three. I've also extended the possible majors for the "just in case" of life. On top of Criminal Justice (which is what I want to major in) I’ve added these to the list: Systems Analysis Engineering (only available at Memphis), Language and Linguistics, Electrical Engineering, Disability Studies and Rehabilitation Services (only available at Memphis), Economics, and History. Guess you can never prep too hard for the "maybes" in life. Hopefully I'll actually stick with Criminal Justice till my senior year of college, but hey who knows right?

School starts in less than two days and yes I finished my summer work and reading extra books but really can't help but scream "SCHOOL’S STARTING" inside my head, call me a nerd but I truly, truly enjoy school. Maybe it's because of the people I get to meet, the classes I'm about to take, or just sort of a "distraction" from all the things going on in life. But really, I enjoy school, a lot. People have always thought I'm weird when I tell them I like school, but if you roll a mile in my wheels (made me laugh that I typed that without thinking) you'd know school can be a good "distraction" when your parent(s) is deployed. Both distraction and stress I guess…guess you can’t "win" at this game.

But at the same time, starting school brings back painful memories that I live with on a daily basis. The start of school reminds me of how excited I was starting football how I would find all the tapes possible and watch them for hours just so I can learn something from the players. Starting school means fall is arriving and that means football season is starting. And that brings me back to the day I got hurt. Don’t think I don't love football, I do, but that doesn't mean I don't wonder what life would be like if I never rushed the yards that evening. September 25th will be the third anniversary of my injury. They say the first three years is the hardest…and boy I truly hope they're right. I’m proud of my wheels, I'm glad I got a second chance yet…the day, the incident still brings me nightmares. Nightmares like you wouldn't believe.

Anyways, I’m done writing for now, lost my train of thought thinking about THE date.
Shall write more later on.


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