Friday, July 30, 2010

New Business: Web Comics

My friend Kert and I were talking about jobs. We both agreed that we need a job and somehow got into the conversation of starting our own business. At first it was a general fun and games then came my somewhat genius idea:

Me: or you know what we can do. start a web comic site. like cyanide&happiness! all of their different artists are from all over the world! and they're famous!
Kert: omg yes!
Me: i mean it we should start! start small like on a blog or something and then go big with our own domain!
Kert: OMG YES!
Kert: I'm totally down

I designed this using GIMP
© 2010 QKnuckles

So, what started as a jokingly idea is now coming together into something that is potentially amazing. Kert and I both have the means to actually start a web comics "business" and we're truly excited to start this process. Who knows, a two-man/woman team might grow into a squad someday.

Before we can get started, however, Kert and I need your help. We would like to hear your suggestion for a web comic title! Any suggestions would be great! No idea is too lame or no suggestion is too stupid! If you have a suggestion (or suggestions) for this web comic, please leave a comment or contact me!

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Recent Events and With Strength and Unity

Last night I went to bed with a heavy heart. This morning, I woke up with a heavier heart.

My family and The Ts have been family friends for a long time. My parents knew the Ts before they got married and way before I was born. They had two kids, one boy, M and one girl, M and this past October, another boy, J joins the family. The Ts truly are old and good family friends.

Three years ago yesterday, M lost his fight with ALL (Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia) To celebrate and honor his life and him, I decided to treat The Ts to dinner. I brought some of M's favorite pizza to The T's home, we said grace, and had a fairly quiet meal together.

During dinner, we spoke a few words about M and his personal favorite pizza, Cheese. We spoke of M's words and what he used to say, "I'm sick but I like games so I'll be okay." I could already tell that The Ts didn't want to go on, not because they don't like talking about memories but because it hurts so much talking about their beloved son that was on his way to fighting off cancer and yet still lost.

Mrs. T then asked me about college. She asked me how my classes were and how I like 'em. I told her about my C++ professor and his analogy of programming to murder and Harry Potter. We smiled and decided that the professor is a weird one. Mr. T then told us about his very first programming professor and the way that professor like to intimate the students. And for the first time last night, we laughed.

After dinner, as J and Sarah play in the living room, M showed me videos of her recent musical play and major events that happened at her school last year. After those videos, M schooled through a bunch of older family films. She stopped at a video that her family and mine took years ago. As we continued to watch the video, I saw the younger me, years before my accident. I saw Mom talking to Mrs. T and I saw young M and M playing happily in the show. Mr. T broke the silence, "This was before he was diagnosed." and I nodded, I remember that trip like it was yesterday.

M, Mr. T, and myself didn't speak much after that. In the silence we tried to heal the pain of losing our loved ones to cancer but at the same time, we tried our best to remember and honor 'em. I gave M and Mrs. T a hug before I left their house. Mrs. T said a quiet "thank you" as he carried J in her arms. I looked up at her and said, "No, thank you." before giving M another hug and left the house.

After Mr. T helped me put Sarah in her car seat, we spoke a few words about dinner, about Mad Men and then let the silence flow through the air. To my surprise, Mr. T gave me a hug. I could tell he was holding back the tears and pain but for that couple seconds, we felt comfort through each others arms.

I pulled the car out of their driveway and sat there dead cold for a couple minutes. I held back the tears for as long as I can but as I drove home, I felt a stream of tears fell down my cheeks.

I put Sarah to bed and told her how much Mom, Dad, Dosh, and I love her. And sitting alone in my room, my heart ached like no other. I miss a lot of people in my life last night. I miss Mom and wish she was here. I miss M and wish he was with his parents and his little sister. Cancer truly sucks. I miss Dad and hope he's doing well and that he'd come home soon.

I had a lot of things I needed to do last night but I wasn't in the mood and decided against doing anything. I checked my email and went to bed early.

I went to bed with a heavy heart and I woke up with a heavier one.

Reading some news this morning, I found that they have found the body of one of the missing sailor. My heart ache for his family, for his parents, and for his friends. I may cheer for Army and not Navy but he is still one of us. I may voice my opinions about Squids but he is still "family". I may not know him or his family personally but I hurt for 'em and prayed for 'em.

I woke up with a heavier heart.

I prayed and thought about a lot today. I pray for our troops all over the world, I pray for the other missing sailor, I pray for the family and loved ones of the fallen sailor, and I pray for all the military family out there. I'm thinking of those with loved ones deployed and I am thinking about Dad. Come home soon Dad.

Because it is only with strength and unity can we help and support each other in this time of uncertainty.

Side note: There's a lot of drama going on everywhere right now and truly I am just trying to avoid 'em best I can. Let me share something that my coach once said to the team.


Sunday, July 25, 2010

Week of July 25th, 2010

This week's Weekly Tunes is brought to you by my good friend, Abbeh. Check out her Twitter at @moonchild91 (though she doesn't tweet much, trust me, I'm trying to get her to come back to Twitter!)

Pray for You- Jaron and The Long Road to Love

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Words I Can't Get Myself To Say

There's a part of me that always knows that this will happen sometimes in the future, whether it's online or in person. I just didn't know it would be this soon.

The same question was asked over and over today, both on Twitter and in person. "Where's mom?"
And I couldn't find the words to answer the question. On Twitter, I posted a link to the blog post for that person and nothing more. In person, I said, "away" and let the silence rang through the air.

I never thought it would be this difficult to answer a simple question. I never thought a question like that would make me hurt, physically. I felt my heart ache when the question was asked. It hurts.

Earlier today, I read Mr. Lance Armstrong's blog post For Stacy and just like that, missed Mom like never before. I missed her smile, I miss her cooking, I miss her words, I miss her.

I cried then the question came and my heart stopped.
I couldn't find the words to answer the question. And soon realized that it's only been 4 months since Mom passed away and already it felt like eternity. And that eternity feel made me believe that I could answer "Where's mom?" but I couldn't.

I couldn't say the words to explained what happened. I wouldn't say the one sentence that would answer the question. I just couldn't. There are just words I can't get myself to say. Even thinking about it makes my heart ache.

I can't say it even if I want to explain what's going on. I've already done it once through writing that blog and somehow, saying it again seems impossible.

So forgive me, people who asked me that question. I can't answer that in a short sentence because of how much it hurts me. Please make your way to the blog post and your question will be answered.

Once again, I'm sorry. There are just words I can't get myself to say.
At least, not yet.

I love you, Mama. Sarah's growing up so fast and we miss you every day.

Sunday, July 18, 2010

Week of July 18th, 2010

This week's Weekly Tunes, Two Piña Coladas by Garth Brooks.

Because sometimes in life, we all need two Piña Coladas, one in each hand.

Monday, July 12, 2010

John 3:16

I think every time I have to stay in the hospital or pay a visit to the ER, I meet someone that stops me dead in my track. Or maybe it happens to me all the time and I only notice it when I'm sitting in the ER or in the hospital.

Earlier this morning, I was getting some classic symptoms of Autonomic Dysreflexia. For some reason, I chose to ignore it and soon, found myself sitting in cold sweat, feeling all sorts of headache and truth be told I think I was starting to be delusional. So I called a good family friend, Mrs. N, that I needed help and something was wrong. She and Mr. N rushed me to the ER. I had a feeling it was AD and at that point I was panicking, I felt like I was dying and my blood pressure was at a record high. There was only one problem, no one on call knew a thing about Autonomic Dysrefleia (I'll write more about this later on) and the only person know something about it was me. And well...I was in my own little world of pain and agony.

Somewhere in the mist of getting the AD situation taken care of, I met a first-grader named Maxwell. He was singing Blessed Be Your Name and I smiled. He asked me, "You know that song too?!" and just like that, we were friends. We talked and he asked me what other songs I know. I told him "I Can Only Imagine" and he replied excitedly, "I KNOW THAT ONE TOO." I asked him how old he was, he told me, "6...WELL 6 AND THREE-QUARTERS!" and we got talking about Church and the Bible. I asked Maxwell what's his favorite verse, he told me John 3:16 and without me asking, he recite it to me:

"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life."
John 3:16

I smiled and asked if he had it memorized and he told me yes. He then told me his favorite song was Blessed Be Your Name" and his favorite verse, Revelation

I woke up this afternoon thinking about Maxwell and the things we talked about the night before. This young and innocent first grader had me stop dead in my tracks. This stranger made me think of God and Jesus. This kid, out of nowhere, reminded me that Jesus and God is here and works wonders.

Maybe it's a sign, I don't know.
But it sure is a good one.

Maxwell, John 3:16 is my favorite verse also.

"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life."
John 3:16

Sunday, July 11, 2010

Week of July 11th, 2010

First off, if you guys like Slurpee, don't forget that today is 7-11 and you can go to a 7-11 store and get your FREE Slurpee. You heard me right...FREE

My very good friend Ashleigh suggested this for Weekly Tunes so here it is.

Boys lie by Signal the Escape
Note: If you're used to the country songs I've listed for Weekly Tunes, you might want to lower your speakers a bit. You've been warned, this is no child's play.

Now head on over to Ashh's blog, she's got some good writing. (So far she's just using the blog for her story but it might change later on, who knows?!)

Thursday, July 8, 2010

If Only I Had the Power

I saw and read her profile for the first time tonight.


I cried.

I cried because she knows what I'm going through but she doesn't.
I cried because everything is crashing down and because I am just that big of a baby.

When have I become such a cry baby, such an emo person? Crying in the dark of night and in silence being as quiet as I can so I don't wake up Sarah. Crying behind anyone's knowing so I can remain "strong" but in reality weaker and weaker everyday. "It'll get easier with time." is bullshit because chunks of my heart's been missing for almost 4 years now and now, even more is gone. Nothing makes it easier. So when did I became weak and vulnerable?


Her profile says...
R.I.P. Mom; 05.03.1957-05.26.2008 I still need you. ♥
I read that and I cried like there's no tomorrow.
I miss her. I miss that part of my life. I miss a lot of everything.
I am vulnerable and I am weak.

If I had the power, all of us would get away. Far away with nothing but shot glasses and memories. Forever or for awhile. Let's get away.

If only I had the power.

Sunday, July 4, 2010

This July 4th

Someone once asked me, "What it means to be patriotic?" and like a fool, I didn't answer. I just looked at the person and smiled. I guess I was too young to find a real answer.

As I get older every day, I've find that many people these days are too "busy" to be thinking of such thing as "patriotic" and "Independence Day" and all that. Just this week, I've asked some kids at my friend's job what they're doing on Independence Day, majority of 'em told me, "Nothing" and some told me, "I'm going to China."


Anyways, I guess there's a part of me that is giving up on the people (civilians or not) that doesn't take the time to slow down and think what it means to be free in this country. Giving up on the people who don't stop and think about those who make it possible. And giving up on the people who cheer at the sound of Independence Day, Memorial Day, and Veterans' Day simply because there's a day off.

I am SO glad my parents taught me different. Very different.

Anyways, as you guys celebrate a 3-day weekend, please remember those who make all this possible. Think not only of the troops but think about their families, their love ones, and those who are thinking of the true heroes in this country. At the same time, please remember the Founding Father's, for it is their dream that make all this possible.

Weekly Tunes this week:
American Soldier by Toby Keith
Please remember what this day is all about.

Lastly, guys, please be safe this 4th. I really don't want this happening to any of you. Be smart and be safe. Happy 4th of July.
Police: NY man blows off arm with party fireworks