Sunday, October 11, 2009

We're All Hurting

I've never been a fan of silence. When the room is too quiet, I tend to listen to music or TV. Even if I'm not watching the show or the movie, I just like the background noise.

I went to pick up my Aunt and Uncle this evening. The drive there was strange, reminds me of the days I'd drive up in the dark nights to go see Sean. It reminded me of the nights I'd sit in my room wondering if I should drive up to the hospital just to see Sean. Makes me wonder if the school events I went to was worth it, if staying at home was worth it.

Was it?

Homecoming should be happy, should be joyful, full of hugs, kisses, and happy tears. It sure is different today. I saw my Uncle and Aunt, both in uniform, being thanked by strangers for doing what they do. And on their faces, I can see the sadness and urge to see Sean again. I gave 'em both a hug and went on towards the car. There was no words, none at all as we got in the car. I didn't ask how their flight as, if they are hungry, tired, I didn't. Because somehow, I knew all their answer would be "okay"

The trip was an half an hour drive and well it felt like hours. There was a cold silent in the car, a silent I didn't dare to break. It was one of the strangest drive, ever.

"Sure is nice to be stateside." My Uncle said and nothing more.

There still wasn't anything being said once we get home. I got stuff ready so my Aunt/Uncle can settle in. While Mom and Aunt cooked, my Uncle and I sat there and flip through the channels of the TV. Even through dinner, there was a strange silence.

I was told to do my homework that the adults will take over what's needed to be done. I didn't argue, though I had no mind to do my homework or write my college essays. I had no intend of doing any homework anytime soon but I didn't argue. Went into my room and sat at my desk, staring at my homework and wondering a lot about life and beyond.

I heard my Uncle said that he's going out for a smoke. And out of nowhere, I heard a cry. My Uncle's a Marine, he's a typical jarhead, tough, rough, and no emotion, ever. And there I was, sitting in my room, hearing my Uncle cry right outside my window.

I know he'll never admit this incident, I know I may never physically see him crying anywhere, but I know, we're all hurting.

Sean, buddy, see, your parents are home. They miss you and I'm sure they are proud of you. We all are.

Sean's always been a fan of my grandparents ranch down in Texas. After much discussion, Sean's parents have decided to cremate Sean's body then spread his ashes at the ranch. Sean's a huge fan of horses and love to be around 'em. I think it's this a good decision and fully support Sean's parents for it.

The memorial service will be tomorrow and it will be small and private. Since on such short notice, Sean's parents understand if there are family members that can not make it to the service. After the cremation ceremony, Sean's parents will be flying out to my grandparents' ranch to spread the ashes. They encourage everyone to be thinking of their love ones not only tomorrow but every single day, to know that life is precious and family is precious.

For family members and friends who like to support. Sean's parents wish for all to support their local children hospitals or St. Jude's in their fight to beat childhood cancer.

After all, all children should live carefree.

Side note:
We're all thankful for the support that our friends have given us. Thank you all for continuing to offer to help, your kind words, and more. Since Sean's parents leave only last a few days, please do not contact 'em in any way. We all just wish to put Sean in his resting place and slowly, move on with our lives. All inquires please contact me, my information can be found on the right side of the blog. Thank you all very much, we can't thank you all enough.


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