Saturday, October 24, 2009


Right now, I'm wondering if this is how Sean felt. I'm wondering if this is how people in the hospital feel as the IVs drips and machine beeping and the nurses constantly checking up on you. Do you not know the meaning of a well deserved rest? No wonder people lose pounds when they're in (and if these nurses are civilians, I'd probably bitch 'em out. Too bad I can't, some of 'em are even Captains, let's not get smoked later on just cause I bitched out an O-3) so instead of getting sleep, I'm getting nurses visit and machine beeping. Really, I'm not dying, I just, want to go home.

There's too many things that need to be taken care of. Things need to be brought before the baby comes and not to mention I need to get use to the accessible crib and so much more. In just a week or two, I'll no longer be an only child. And truth be told, I'm excited for this new life and adventure.

Mom's been talking about names again. She really like the name Sarah (meaning princess) but I told her it's too original. She haven't even got a middle name in mind either. I swear this baby just might be nameless till Dad gets home. (Can they do that?!) Either way, she's ready for the baby to pop out and she's ready to push all the baby chores to me. Guess one thing good is that she won't have these strange cravings at the strangest hours.

Aside from the home events, drama still continues at school. Loads of college applications to finish and homework to do. Though I got to say how great some friends are who decided to stop buy so we can have a study group and college apps party. Never thought senior year could be this crazy...

I do have a request for my readers. Do you guys think it'd be a good idea for me to use one of my blogs as part of the essay? Meaning to just copy and paste it? If so, which one is good? (Just like to take a vote and see what's people's view on it.)

I think when I'm bored and really nothing to do it's when I go through stuff and think and wonder about others. While flipping through some of my stuff on the computer, I discovered poems I made just out of random. They're mostly (or I think all of 'em are) military related. Reading all of 'em back to myself, I'm starting to wonder if I should publish it or something. I mean, it's be cool.

There's just so much going through my mind right now it's not even funny. School, college, Sean, Dad, Mom, the baby, Dosh, Airborne, and just so much more.

I've been reading up on the DoD release and the thought of units being rotated worries me, makes me wonder and makes me wish for a lott of things. Been hearing a lot about Basic/Boot Camp/RTC, AIT/Tech School/A-school from my friends and well...with each conversation, my heart aches and crumbles while my face is covered in laughs and smiles. I still see myself joining, I still go see the recruiters daily, I still see myself in ACUs, doing drills, in formations, PTing, and so much more. But, well...guess seeing is crazy in this case. I may joke around that often but seeing friends and family in the service is slowly eating me away, just not sure I'll lose it.

Or maybe I already have...seeing things that I hope ain't real, dreaming things that can't come true. Little things in life, gestures, actions make me flinch, every tackle I see is me, and laying in this bed with the IVs and this stupid mask, I want to just give up, to let it all go. If I had no one, none at all, that's what I'd do. I'd just say bye to it and flip it off. But no, that ain't an option, I got to keep it up for Mom, Dad, and the new baby. If it wasn't for 'em...

I'd be hanging out with Sean right now. With Sean, Mr. Reagon, Mr. Charles, Mr. Jackson, and all the fallen heroes...

God damn, I am fucked up. I need a drink or at least a smoke. I don't even remember when I started smoking...just did and even with my paralysis, I made it work.
How? I just did...
Why? Because...
Will I get in trouble? I'm not sure, nor do I care...old enough to drive, die for my country (or lack there of) I'm sure smoking ain't shit (nor is drinking for that matter)

After so long, I think I'll finally say it and release it to the world. Me, Matthew QKnuckles, is FUBAR. More FUBAR than anyone know or imagine.

My life is a mirror, you'll see me as me but you won't ever know the real me...
Like I said,

Since I was feeling good at all for last week's football game, here's the score:
Cal at UCLA, 45-26
USC at Notre Dame, 34-27

Army at Temple, 27-13
Oregon- Bye Week
Texas A&M at Kansas State, 62-14
Alabama vs South Carolina, 20-6
Ohio St at Purdue, 26-18
Oklahoma at Texas, 16-13
Navy at Southern Methodist, 38-35

Maryland vs Virginia, 20-9
UMiami at UCF, 27-7
Texas Tech at Nebraska, 31-1
Virginia Military Institute vs Stony Brook, 27-20

Air Force vs Wyoming, 10-0

Florida vs Arkansas, 23-20
LSU- Bye Week
Michigan vs Delaware State, 63-6
Washington at Arizona State, 17-24

Winning teams are in bold

And below is this week's game results:
Army vs Rutgers, 27-10

Ohio St vs Minnesota, 38-7

Maryland at Duke, 17-13

Virginia Military Institute at Presbyterian, 31-20

Washington v Oregon, 43-19

Alabama vs Tennessee, 12-10 One of the most amazing game I've ever seen. Go Bama!
Oklahoma at Kansas, 35-13
Navy vs Wake Forest, 13-10
Michigan vs Penn State, 35-10
UMiami vs Clemson, 40-37 OT

Air Force at Utah, 23-16

Cal vs Washington State, 49-17

UCLA at Arizona, 27-13

Texas A&M at Texas Tech, 52-30 Go Aggies! :D

Florida at Mississippi State, 29-19
LSU vs Auburn, 31-10

USC vs Oregon State, 42-36


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