Friday, September 25, 2009

Three Years Ago, I Got a Second Chance

If you read my earlier blog and was hoping that this is a review for the rest of the trip, it ain't. But don't worry, there'll be another blog later on.

But for I sit in my hotel room with the TV on and amazing California scene right outside the window, something reminded me today is Friday. Since it's fall, we all know what that means. Football.

I remember the day I held my first football. My hands looked tiny compare to the football but somehow, I knew that feeling in my hand was something I could not forget. I also remember the first time I put on pads and helmets for my first "official" football game, I was so happy I couldn't stop smiling. (Even after some kid who's twice as big as I was tackled me too the ground) I remember the day I finally get to practice football with the high school guys. The seniors looked huge and filled with knowledge that I, a tiny freshman, would never understand. I was excited, I can tell you, I was more than excited. I was living my dream.

Three years ago, I stepped out onto that football field thinking nothing more but make catches, rush yards, and score touch downs. Three years ago, I stepped out onto the football field smiling, joking around with my teammates, and seeing the rest of my four years playing the sport I love.

Plans change I guess...

To some people, three years is a long time and for others, three is just a small number. It's been three years since I got hurt, I have my good days, I have my bad days. I've laughed about my injury. I've cried about my injury. I've asked why; why me, why now, why here? I've hid in the dark for days and I've also show myself and others what I am still capable of. But this is a life long event, this is a life long journey. I may have my bad days, I may have my good days, but overall, I am glad I'm alive. At times I may feel bitter, I may feel sadness, loneliness, shame, guilt, and many more but this is who I am now and I wouldn't change it for the world.

Three years ago today, my love was taking away from me.
Three years ago today, I saw the worry in my coaches' eyes, the fear in my parents' hearts, I saw the pain my teammates' face.
Three years ago today, I lost my legs but gain my soul.
Three years ago today, I got a second chance at life.

Again, I'm going to quote from Friday Night Lights

"We’re all vulnerable and we will all at some point in our lives, fall. We will all fall. We must carry this in our hearts that what we have is special. That it can be taken from us and when it is taken from us, we will be tested. We will be tested to our souls."

It's a busy weekend ahead, but as soon as it's dark and I'm alone, I ain't going to lie...I am going to cry like there is no tomorrow. I'm going to cry and dream of that future. I'm going to cry and hear the noise in my head, see the lights and the crowd in my mind, and maybe, I'll be able to feel the pig skin in my hands. It's been three years, Football, I miss you. Do you miss me?

I better go get ready, having dinner with K and her family at Luceti's (Thank you Mom for helping me find this place)


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