Sunday, September 20, 2009

Am I Bitter?

I don't know if it's because it's September or maybe...I'm just overall, bitter.

Bitter about a lot of things...things I used to do and loved. No, things I still love. Things like football and JROTC.

While talking to some people on an online chat. Two strangers started talking about JROTC. As they talk about their units, their cadets and their CO, I sat here and read every single word while every single line jabbed at my heart and soul. I love JROTC, I love talking about it and share my knowledge with other people. So really, even reading it makes me happy.

But why did it hurt so much reading the words? Why does thinking about JROTC makes me hurt and makes me want to cry? Funny when you're little, you tell your parents "this hurts when I do this" and they will say "don't do that then" and you just smiled and move on. It hurt reading the words between the two people, a lot. "Don't read it, then" is probably what you're thinking. But...I just couldn't. I couldn't stop reading. Because reading about JROTC makes me feel that much closer to the drills, the uniform inspections, and so much more. Because reading it puts a smile on my face. But wait, catch-22, I love reading it but it hurts and put me to tears.

I'm wondering to myself, am I bitter? If so, what made me a bitter man? What made me jealous of what others have? Is it my injury? Have Spinal Cord Injury really changed me that much? Has it really made me bitter, weak, and not to mention vulnerable to the things I love?

I miss JROTC like no other right now. As if JRTOC is the most beautiful girl I have ever met. And I'm in tears thinking about this girl, wishing to be with her again, even if it's just for a minute.

I miss you girl, more than you know.


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