Long Month Ahead

Early morning on September 2nd, around 0115, I realized this is going to be a long month.

Yes it's true I am going to KYGO's 3rd Annual Summer Chill Out Concert with Darius Rucker, Pat Green, Jack Ingram, Eli Young Band, Kate & Kacey (Check out the plan route here) this Friday. I may not sound excited in this blog but really, I am extremely excited about the concert. Mom and I are both huge Pat Green fans and Darius Rucker ain't bad either. This will definitely be good for both Mom and I to get away from everything. Dad sure is going to hear all about it when he gets home

Pat Green

It's also true that I got invited to a tailgate party at the Army vs Air Force football game in November- Thanks Nate and Jimmy for hooking us up with the tailgating stuff- and I even brought two pretty good seats to the game. (Planned route here) Again, I may not sound excited but I am. Always love to watch a football game live and of course, watch Army and Air Force going head to head. Just hope Dad will be home by then so we can make this guys day out before the baby arrives.

View from our seats

And out of love for hockey (while thinking about the possibility of going to some Colorado Avalanche's game, even with the 2 hours drive up to the rink, what can I say, I love them. Still not sure which games I want to go to though, so we'll see) I brought a season ticket to the Cadet Ice 09-10 season. As much as I'm "hate" the Air Force (AF families, you know I love you guys, haha :P ) and wish to attend all Black Knights games, that's not possible right now, so I guess I'll settle for the next best thing- check out these plushies I brought for Sean, hopefully he'll like them. And these for the football game and the hockey games.

Air Force Cadet Ice Arena

Guess even when there are exciting things going on, at the early hours of studying and doing homework, I tend to zone off into a world of inanimateness and reality.

As I was sitting in my room studying at the early hours of 0115, for some strange reason, I picked up my old football helmet and put it on. And for hours, I just sat there and stared right at my wall.

I don't remember what I was doing, I don't remember what I was thinking, but I just sat there. Sat there and smell the sweat the helmet collected through weeks and months of practices and scrimmages. Call me weird but that is another thing I love about football, that smell of sweat and dirt collected over weeks and months. That smell you can't wash off even if you try to. I guess I was just trying to taking in the football smell as much as I can...

Before I knew it, it was 5 hours later and ready for school. As much as I didn't want to, I took my helmet off and head off to school. Sure felt like the entire world is against me this morning. At school, I saw people carrying their football gear like I once did and as I sat in class, can't help myself but feel jealous, anger, and regret.

I spend lunch and my free period doing what I wasn't supposed to do. I went against the rules and sat out by the football field. Just sat there and tried to remember something I once live for and still love. Trying to remember the crowd, the lights, the people, and the old pigskin.

I type this tonight sitting in the dark, wearing my helmet, with Dosh sitting by my side, thinking and wondering about what Coach said to me years before. Thinking about my football buddies, thinking and wondering about this amazing quote from Friday Night Lights

"We're all vulnerable and we will all at some point in our lives, fall. We will all fall. We must carry this in our hearts that what we have is special. That it can be taken from us and when it is taken from us, we will be tested. We will be tested to our souls."

I fell and I am being tested, constantly.
It's going to be a long month.

Sorry, Coach. Sorry.