Saturday, July 4, 2009

"Nightmares are dreams gone sour."

The day I saw that Honda commercial, I laughed. They talked about dreams and nightmares about how each of us can use the power of dreams to envision the world and how they at Honda all dream that what they do will make the future generations a better place. Some doctor and author named Deepak Chopra, M.D. said, "Dream by in large are the expression of the human spirit for creativity and imagination. Nightmares are dreams that have gone sour."

When I heard it the first time, I laugh, chuckled and said out loud. "No shit, Sherlock!" And this morning, waking up short breathed, cold head, and small amount of sweat on my head, I'm starting to think about my sour dream. Of which, I might add, have been getting for years now. In fact there's a lot of things that's been happening for awhile but that's for me to keep secret, for now.

I like dreams, I like to dream about the what ifs and a lot of the times, the dreams make me a lot happier before I went to bed. But even a good dream can make waking up a dread and make the morning coffee smell like a piece of ass. When I was a kid, I'd used to dream of being a firefighter, putting out fires like my uncles would do. I even dream of being just like my dad, jumping out of airplanes and fight the bad guys.

As I got older, I started to visualize what I'd want to do. Playing football for Ohio State or even Florida and even who knows, the Cowboys. In my dreams I'd be catching a big one and score that key winning touchdown.

And without knowing it, my dreams gone sour, real fast.

The dream I remember wasn't just a dream, it was also my past. (So call it whatever you want, but I'll just call it a nightmare) Dream started out great, the sun was shining and it was another day of my life. My life of putting the pads on my shoulders and get out on the field to do what I do best. Dad was home on his leave and for once, this was going to be a great day. And boom, like that, it turned sour.

I could hear the crowd gasping, I could hear my teammates calling my name and I could hear the loud-speakers notifying that unless you are family, you need to remain in your seat. And like a recording, I can hear my trainer yelling repeatedly, "squeeze my hand" but like a dead weight I lay there, nothing.

I woke up to my hearing my own heavy breathing, my eyes staring at the ceiling of Sean's room, my arms shaking. "Nightmares are dreams gone sour." Dr. Chopra said, and I believe that now, strongly.

Faith have a funny way of working things out. Just a year after my injury, Buffalo Bills' Kevin Everett was hurt on the field. I remember sitting in my chair thinking, "Oh no" while staring at this

Everett on September 9th, 2007

and a year later, looking at the same Everett, I wonder if this nightmare turn sweet again, ever. I wonder if people realize not all of us are as lucky as Everett but still, we live on because we're lucky. We're lucky to be alive.

Everett on September 7, 2008

Dreams, my friends, are creativity and imagination. So dream on, people, dream on.


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