Wednesday, July 8, 2009

I'm in a chair but I'm not dumb.

I got to rant because if I don't, I'll probably end up breaking down in front of Sean or worse, hurt someone.

After a big injury like Spinal Cord Injury, there will be a lot of changes in your life. From the paralysis to the medical situations, things change. From going to the bathroom to say getting in your car, things change. But hey we made due and we all do what we can to do things just a bit differently.

I'm never a fan of hiding, I like transparency as much as I can and especially online, I try not to hide who I am, my wheelchair, my life, my world. It's not something I'm ashamed of so in turn I try not to hide it. I try to let those who have questions ask, who wonder about my life ask anything they want and really, anything. And though people still say "I didn't want to offend you" or "I'm sorry" I'd tell them that I would get offended if they don't ask and there's nothing to be sorry of because they didn't cause the injury and plus, I'm proud of my "second life".

Society have a funny way of showing what's the majority and when you don't stand under the majority grid, they'll judge you, speak of you, stare, or worse, ignore you. I'm sure the thousands of people who have SCI know how I feel. The staring from people when you first get out of rehab hospital and back into your own life. The way people just look, may not be curiosity but most of the time, questioning. They look at you like they're playing bad cop with you, interrogating you with their eyes and make you feel so vulnerable and weak.

Then there's the people that ignore you when you're with a group of people. Say you go out to grab a bite to eat with your friends and there always is a waiter that tends to ignore you when they take your order. I'm not sure what they're afraid of but most of the time, they ask the people/friends you're with what YOU want to order. They ask like you can't order for yourself simply because they see the chair. Really...that pisses me off the most. Yes I'm in a wheelchair and I may be shorter than most people but I'm not dumb, I'm not deaf or blind, I can see what you're doing. I can see you ignoring me and asking my parents what I want to order. Now how does that make sense.

Maybe that's why I get online so often. People ask me why do you spend so much time chatting online. Because really, it's a place I don't have to deal with people staring at me, ignoring me, or look right through me like I don't even exist.

But there always tend to have a person online that ignores you, it probably isn't for the same reason but really, sure make me feel like I don't exist. It brings back the horrible memories of the people that have ignored me, see through me like I'm nothing, like I'm not even there.

That scares me, to think that I'd be gone and people wouldn't even care or know.

People out there with SCI or other "disabilities" what do you think? I'd love to hear about how you deal with this. Or rant if you wish, we all need it.

Cuz there's just ignorant people out there.


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