Thursday, July 16, 2009

Because when that happens...

What do you do...when you don't feel like you belong?

What do you do, when you feel as you're stuck in the mist of non-existence?

What do you do when you're not intelligent enough to be with the ones twice or three times as old as you but in the same time you feel as if you don't belong with people around your age?

What do you do when the people around your age are all thinking of "getting a piece of ass" when you are worrying about the survival of yourself, of the ones you hold close to your heart and arms?

The result of all this is not something I can explain. Adults see me as someone who is "intelligent yet not wise". Young adults see me as "putting up a show, trying to act smart." Teens my age see me as "stupid, weird, strange".

So where do I belong...

When you feel as if there is something of true importance you wish to address, people of the same age put you down. They stare at you, questioning your beliefs and wondering what is wrong with you. People older than you tell you "don't worry about it, you're still young."

What do I do...

When the people you see are typing "I think all horses have ADD" I sit here wondering if Sean would ever make it through the night let along make it through the week, month, or years. When they are "LMAO" at random topics I wonder if they know what someone with the same age is living under a bridge, is starving for food, or just wishing someone would stop and listen.

I don't know what to do. So I sit in the darkness and the silence of these words and just read. I hold in the tears and pain to put on a smile for Sean, for my parents, and even for strangers like the nurses.

So deep inside, I put the sorrow, the pain, the tears all in a box. And I can only hope and pray that the tears won't soak the box wet, making it weak and let the pain and sorrow lose.

Because when that happens...

There will be no wheelies.
There will be no laughs.
There will be no Matt.


Post a Comment