Wednesday, February 24, 2010

I Love You Mama

There are just days now that Mama won't feel good at all.

There are just days that she planned something but it doesn't turn out the way she wanted it to.

Like tonight.

Mama was planning on cooking us some Chinese food. She bought everything she needed but tonight, all 'em ingredients are sitting in the fridge. She was in a lot pain tonight and pain I wish I can take for her. I wish that she didn't have to feel this pain that she doesn't have to worry about it at all. She said to me, "Sweetheart, cook Chinese, I'll teach you." It's funny how stubborn Mama can be. She can hardly talk without wincing from the pain and yet she is determined to have Chinese for dinner.

I talked her out of it.

I told her we can have Chinese when I get back from my trip. I told her when I get back, she can show me how to cook Chinese. I told her to lay down on the couch and rest while I go out and buy us some dinner. Yet she continued to tell me that the ingredients will go bad if we don't cook it tonight. Mama's stubborn like that.

So I grabbed Sarah and went out and bought some Chipotle for dinner. Someone at the store thought Sarah was my kid, but no, she's simply my sister. A sister I care a lot about and through Mama's pain, I can see Sarah's in pain also. She knows something is wrong but can't pin-point it. She knows something is wrong but there is no way of her doing anything to make it better. But I know she knows.

Smart girl Sarah.

I came home to found Mama crying in the living room. I know for as long as I have lived Mama would never cry in front of me. She would hide it in hopes that I don't know she's crying. Guess she just never wanted me to worry. But tonight she couldn't help it. Mama's in a lot of pain. So I settled Sarah back in her room and came back out to the living room to take care of Mama. There was literally nothing I can do to stop the pain but watch and hope that she'll be better soon. She laid on the couch and cried and cried.

I lost my appetite for Chipotle after that.
I think I lost my appetite for rest of my life.

I wish there's something I can do. I wish there's some way I can take the pain for her. I wish there's some way I can make her all better. Some way so Mama won't ever be in pain no more. But to do that, means saying see you later to Mama. Catch-22 is a bitch...

I'm leaving for the airport in 6 hours. Yet I don't want to go even when Mama insisted that I go. Mama's stubborn like that. I just hope Mama falls asleep soon. That way, she won't hurt no more.

I love you Mama. Sleep please, so you don't have to hurt no more.


HellcatBetty said...

Such a wonderful son, you are. Is she gonna be okay? Is she just sick, or is it something more serious? I hope she feels better really quick. I send hugs!

RP said...

Matt,I hope that all goes well for you and your family. I am sure all will be well. I pray that your mama feels better and is smiling again. You are an amazing guy and a loving son and brother indeed. Just be strong for her and yourself as well ( I know you are :) ) May God Bless you all...
Take care
(p.s. hava a look at this poem i have written on my blog named 'hope surmounts'...and dont worry everything will get better).

USMCWIFE said...

Hey Matt
I am not sure what is going on with your mom, but whatever it is I hope she feels well soon. You are such an awesome son, much like my own. I understand why your mother wants you to do what you need to do. It would cause her more pain if her pain stopped you from being everything you are supposed to be. Trust me on this. You have all my support if you need to talk or just vent you know how to reach me..
Sending all good vibes your way..

Knuckles said...

Thanks everyone for the comments. Sorry it's taken me so long to answer you guys. It's been kind of crazy here and well, I'm spending the weekend with Nicole and just trying to relax.

Erica, I sure hope Mom is going to be ok. She is very sick and well, just hope this thing will be over soon. Thanks for the comment.

RP, thanks you.

Heidi, thank you. Even though I really didn't want to take the trip out here, I said ok to Mom knowing that it might make her feel that much better. Anything I can do I guess.

Thanks again guys, for the comment.

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