Thursday, May 28, 2009

Long Journey through Life

At 0250 early Thursday morning, I slowly realized that I am no longer a junior. And somehow...even though I want time to slow down, in the same time, I want time to speed up. With what's ahead of my life, the move, with Sean, with school and friends from all over the world, I just can't hold in the excitement.

And at times...I wonder what is best. With Sean, everything I do to him, in someways, I think is as if a superhero is doing it. He likes standing in the bathroom while I shave in the morning, he likes watching me put on my shoes, not to mention he likes watching me have breakfast and rush him to the car to start off our day.

But to me, I wonder if this is all right for him. I wonder what he can not communicate, I wonder what his head would say to me if it would talk. About the pain, the hurt, or even how scare it is to never reach its full potential. While thinking that...I just wouldn't know how to answer.

And when he come out of the bathroom after puking for several minutes. He let out a smile and said, let's read. I wonder how he does it and I wonder how millions of people who get affected by cancer do it.

People tell me my life is hard. What I go through is hard with the paralysis, the school, home, and friends. But really, looking at Sean and a good friend of mine, this ain't so bad, really, it ain't.

And somehow in turn I lay in bed at night wondering if there was something more that I can do for Sean and others. If there was anything I can even say to them that would just make them feel that much better.

And I still haven't come up with an answer. And truthfully...I don't think I can rest until I do.

To the person reading this in the future. I no longer know how to sleep. I no longer how to rest. And hearing you talk and asking me questions if I would go to bed, of course I would, just to settle you. But truth is...I have lost my ability to sleep and rest.

It's not because of the recent activities. Trust me, it's not. This have been going on for awhile now...

And maybe too long.
Who knows....

It's 0300...if Sean can get some sleep...I think I'll go for a run. If he can't sleep, I think I'll take him on a run with me.

And may the rain fall down on our faces to finally wash away the troubles, the hurt, the pain, and the sleepless nights.


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