Sunday, October 24, 2010

Frustrated. Angry. Pissed Off.

I have never been so frustrated with myself.

This has yet to be one of those difficult Sundays. Had a lot of things to take care of/do but my body just didn't want to listen. Started the morning with some major spasms then continued with low blood pressure. Then seemed like everyone want to be in this "party" as I keep getting signs of Dysreflexia and had no $%^&ing clue why.

My body was literally breaking down in front of me and I had no $%^&ing clue what was wrong. I couldn't see straight on top of the few unmentionables.

I tried getting the best of it by doing things around the house. Which turn out to be disastrous. I got real angry and real fast. I felt like I just got home from rehab. I was pissed at everything, I was yelling and swearing up and down. I couldn't control my anger nor did I wanted to.

I threw and broke things (clean up was a b$%^&) that was at my reach, I swore worse than a sailor (no offense those of you from the Navy community) and I was yelling at everything around/everyone me, including Sarah.

I think I scared her today. She's never seen me so angry.
I scared myself, I was going back to the person I don't want to be.
Maybe SCI does that to you, I don't know.

I'm sorry Sarah, for yelling.
Here comes the spasms. Where's the duct tape, I probably need to tape my mouth shut.


Ruchi said...

Sending prayerful and peaceful vibes your way...hope you feel better.
Take good care
warm regards,

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