Week of January 31st, 2010

Yesterday my iPod freaked out on me and all my songs from my iPod disappeared. Since I had to sell my old laptop to pay for my chair, I decided to store all my music online. Thank goodness I go ahead and did that or else I might have lost all my music yesterday.

Anyways, while putting the music BACK onto iTunes, I came across Tim McGraw's new Album titled Southern Voice and decided to have a listen.

I think a lot of us have wondered what happens when we die. Doesn't matter if you believe in God or Heaven, I think all of us will wonder what people do when we die. We all wonder if our friends would be the same and who would be at our own funeral. And well, Tim McGraw did a great job singing it in this song.

Join me this week and listen to Tim McGraw's If I Died Today. Do you ever wonder, "who I'd see, cryin' standin' over me. Who would just send their regards?"

I wonder about this all the time.
Who would cry over me?

"You can lean on us."

So for another week, I went to Church with my friend and his family. The topic is still idolatry and today the Pastor's wife talked about having Love as an idol.

Here's the 4 things that she said love can go wrong:

1. Romance
2. Children
3. Approval
4. Perfection

This sermon didn't hit me as hard as the ones before but I sure can think of ways my parents idol love. (Things like putting me and Sarah above all else, being the perfect people and so on) But I guess my friend's parents can tell by the look on my face that something was wrong or rather, I was thinking about something deep inside my mind.

Mrs. T asked me, "What's wrong?"

I told her I don't know and that was the truth, I truly don't know what's going on that's making me look SO concentrated, I look like I'm depressed. I told her I'm kind of wondering right now and that I don't know where I am when regards to emotions, thoughts, and life. And then she told me,

"You can lean on us, you know?"

That hit me hard. The kindness in people you hardly know can and most of the time are amazing. They say that you are born into a family but you gain another as part of life (just look at my Twitter-Family) and well, after today, I felt as if I got another set of parents. Someone who cares a lot about me and wishes me to know that if there is ever trouble, I can lean on 'em and go to 'em for guidance.

Thank you Mrs. T, for saying that to me today after the service. I still don't know what's wrong or what's got me thinking and looking so concentrated. I have an idea what it might be but right now, I'd rather not think about it. But thank you, those words meant a lot to me.

Thank you also to all the people who have been praying/sending us good thoughts. We're going to need a lot of that within the next week or so, hopefully things will turn out for the best.

For Friendship, Joy, and Happiness

Just a day after I posted My Purpose In Life I saw something that made me smile and thank God for the good things on Earth. It seems like whenever I turn around, I see anger in people. I see the fear and anger in everyone and that often leads to arguments, disagreements, and more.

Today, while buying lunch, I saw two people who were carrying a conversation as if they were long lost friends. What's so special about these two people? They knew little to no English. A woman, in her 30s, lived in the United States for 3 short years spoke Spanish and broken English. Another woman, in her 60s, lived in the States for only 4 years, spoke Chinese and very broken English. Yet, with the little English they knew, they helped each other order lunch and talked as if they knew each other since way back when.

I wish I had a camera to take a picture of these two woman because truly, that would be an amazing picture. I also couldn't help but smile when I heard these two woman try to talk to each other. Not because it's funny but because of how great people can be if we just forget our differences and use our similarities for something greater. For friendship, joy, and happiness.

That sure made my day bits better and sure reminded me of George Strait's I Saw God Today

I guess the Human Race ain't that bad after all.

Our Danger Zone

I think we all have a time in our lives when we realize we ain't cut out for something we'd like to do. And for that moment myths become facts. For that moment, mysteries become realities.

Earlier this afternoon, I came home to a frantic call from Nicole. I could tell she's been crying because I did not understand a single word she left on the answering machine. First words she said to me when I called her back was...

"I can't do this, babe, I can't do this."

After several minutes of attempting to calm her down, it was clear that there was nothing I can say that will make her stop crying. So for 5 minutes straight, I sat there and let her cried. I let her cry till she said,

"Fool cut it out, you must be crazy."

Man I knew there were reasons why I like Nicole, she took lyrics right out of one of my favorite songs.

I said, "Crazy about you." And finally, something I've been waiting to hear from her, a small laugh. Funny how we both knew which song each other was referring to.

So, for the afternoon, we talked like we never did before. She told me her worse fears: the realization that she might not be cut out for her MOS, the realization that she might not be cut out for OSUT, the realization that she might not be cut out for the Army, and so much more.

Funny how much we can convince ourselves that these sayings are true if we just repeat it over and over again. And within our minds, what we once thought were our calling becomes out regrets and fears. I guess that's why we all need someone to shake us free from the negative beliefs, the negative vibe and reassure us that our calling is what we truly know and love.

And that's why I did, I shook Nicole out of her zone. I told her that everything will be alright, that she IS cut out for this job and there WAS a reason she went down to the recruiter's office AND sign the enlistment papers.

She sounded skeptical but hopefully one day, she'll thank me. We ended the call with our usual kisses and with some skepticism still in her voice, she said "Thank you, babe."

You're welcome, sweetheart.

This zone is our Danger Zone, this zone that many of us have been in or are in right now. We all need someone to shove us out of this Danger Zone. None of us may handle the Danger Zone all by ourselves and I hope that no one out in the world will ever have to. Makes me wonder, who shoved you out of the zone? Who did you shove out of this zone? and well...who shoved me out of the Danger Zone? or will someone ever do so?

I hope so.

Last thing before I end this blog. Out of the request (or rather demand) of my parents, I can't tell you here (or on Twitter) what's going on in the family right now. But if you pray, please pray for us. If you don't please send some positive vibes out our way, we surely need it. Thank you.

My Purpose In Life

When I write, I don't usually touch base on subjects that might seems controversy and subjects that would start unnecessary arguments and debates. Thus, I tend to avoid writing about religion and politics.

But something happened that caught me off guard last week I feel I must share with those who are willing to read it.

As I have said on January 8th, I had a great talk with my friend's Dad (a Pastor at a local Presbyterian Church) about religion and the differences between all these different "kinds" of Christianity. I think ever since I got to middle school, I've been pondering about God, Christianity, and religion as a whole. Though I am baptized into a Catholic family, I wonder about other branches of Christianity and just how different they are from Catholic beliefs.

So after talking to Pastor S, this strange feeling came over me. It's not a bad feeling at all, it's the same feeling when you helped someone across the street or when you donated money anonymously to a much needed organization. It's a heart-warming feeling. And I got the same feeling after reading the materials that Pastor S gave me.

With my parents' permission, I went to Church with my friends for last couple Sundays. Before the sermon, there's Worship (basically the singing part if you don't know what Worship is) then small prayer before the Pastor start preaching. Truly, I didn't feel like he was preaching to me, I felt more as if he's talking to me and laughing about daily happenings with everyone else who attended Church. Why I have never felt that way when I go to Mass, I'm not truly sure.

Anyways, for the last two Sundays, the Pastor talked about idolatry. And at the end of last week's service, my friend's sister (a 4th grader) handed me a booklet with this small activity that she and the entire family was doing. On one paged was to list your idols. Here are some of mine (thought of it on the spot):

1. Football
2. Success
3. Jealousy
4. Money
5. New and cool Chairs

And on the other page was the question that stomped me.

"What did God made you for?"

And like that, it felt as if God was talking right to me. "What did I made you for?" A forth grader whom I hardly know put me in my place like no one ever did before. I stared at the question for a few moments before Pastor S said, "She's got you thinking on your toes, doesn't she?"

I answered, "Yes, sir. She sure did."

I truly didn't know what to write because I truly didn't know the answer. So finally I wrote down:

I don't know what God made me for nor do I know my purpose in life yet. But I sure hope I can find out soon.

I'm not a man who is huge on religion. But I do believe in God and what He has in store for all of us. And strangely enough, it is only on Sunday when I truly think about Sean, about death, and wonder why with every answer about religion there is more that follows. I wonder about His ways and what He made me for. And last Sunday, through a 4th grader, I think somehow God was trying to tell me something.

I'm not sure what He's trying to tell me. But I'm sure ready to listen.

Off topic: I've gotten a lot of emails/IMs/contacts asking about this "Nicole" character. If you must know, Nicole and I have been friends since I can remember. We grew up together and our Dads knew each other since WAY back when (not to call 'em old or anything...) How close is my family with Nicole's? Well, Nicole and her Mom wished me luck before the game that day. Nicole and her Mom was sitting next to my parents on the stands and they drove my parents to the hospital. So that should give you a hint how good of a family friend we are.

After the surprise visit from Nicole, I asked her to come to the Pat Green concert with me and I asked her out. So that's who this "Nicole" character is, guys.

Anyways, thanks to those who have been asking how the concert went with Nicole and how we are doing. Again, the concert was great, you can read more about it on the bottom of my last blog.

I'd also like to take this moment to thank all of my readers. You may not be following me through Google Profile, you may not be constantly leaving me comments, but I know there are a lot of you lurking in the shadows reading my every blog. There's no way of saying how thankful I am you guys' support.

Truly, thank you for reading.