Football: Love&Hate

Yesterday was an amazing day. As mentioned before I went to the Summer Chill Out Concert with Mom over at the Red Rocks. First off the place is amazing. The entire amphitheater is natural. When we got there it was already dark, didn't have a good look at it if it was still light out, but the place is still amazing. The concert was, well I'm speechless. I am a HUGE fan of Pat Green and hearing him playing Live was just something I dream of, let along looking right at him! Darius Rucker and Eli Young Band were also amazing Live. It really was a huge party and truly, I had loads of fun :D

Amazing :D

As much as I wish to go to the after concert party, Mom and I drove over to the hospital to see Sean. Since it is the long weekend (Mom's having a baby shower on Monday...expect me to be in my room ALL DAY) we thought it'd be a good idea to stay and hang with Sean before heading on home.

Early this morning, Sean woke up and nearly screamed "MATT" on top of his lungs. Boy was he excited to see us (or maybe he was excited by the gift I brought him. We had a good morning just hanging out and even watched football. (Mom's got news about Sean but said she'll tell me later. Hopefully it's good news)

Which brings me to a point, when I hear Sean yelling GO GO GO and when he raises his arms after a TD, I can't help but smile. Because really, that was me. It was me siting in front of the TV yelling out "GO" and "CATCH IT" and "TOUCHDOWN!"

Now I mentioned before it was going to be a long month ahead and really, it still is. Watching football still aches my heart. Watching every receiver make or miss a catch still aches my soul. But as much as football can bring me down, it sure can get my blood pumping.

And sitting here watching the Ohio State and Navy game I'm not going to lie, as much as I don't like the Navy, I envy those guys. I've been a student athlete, I know how hard it is to be on top of your game AND keep good grades. And watching these guys play, I realize they have so much more than people give them credit for. They play college ball, they are enrolled in one of the most elite schools in the world. Not to mention their pride in serving their country.

Ya I'm an Ohio State fan, ya I want the Buckeyes to win but really, every single time Navy makes a good play, I still clap and cheer for them. After all, us military service people got to stick with each other.

So, as much as watching football makes my heart ache. As much as I miss playing football, this is a love and hate relationship. And truly, I can't stop watching the game. After all, football sticks with you no matter how old you are.

Go ARMY!

Score Updates (Winning team is in bold):

Oregon at Boise State 19-8 (Sept 3rd)

Purdue vs. Toledo, 52-31
Navy at Ohio St, 31-27
Kentucky vs Miami, 42-0

Jacksonville St at Georgia Tech, 37-17
Robert Morris at Virginia Military Institute 14-13

Air Force vs. Nicholls State 72-0

Illinois vs Missouri 37-9
Western Michigan vs Michigan 31-7
USC vs San Jose State 56-3

New Mexico at Texas A&M, 41-6
Army at Eastern Michigan, 27-14
Oklahoma vs Brigham Young, 14-13
Texas Tech vs North Dakota, 38-13
Florida vs Charleston Southern, 62-3
Texas vs ULM, 59-20

Alabama vs Virginia Tech, 34-24
Cal vs Maryland, 52-13
LSU at Washington, 31-23

If you wish to know ALL the football scores, let me know, I'd be glad to put them up for you. I just put my teams up there for future references :D

Long Month Ahead

Early morning on September 2nd, around 0115, I realized this is going to be a long month.

Yes it's true I am going to KYGO's 3rd Annual Summer Chill Out Concert with Darius Rucker, Pat Green, Jack Ingram, Eli Young Band, Kate & Kacey (Check out the plan route here) this Friday. I may not sound excited in this blog but really, I am extremely excited about the concert. Mom and I are both huge Pat Green fans and Darius Rucker ain't bad either. This will definitely be good for both Mom and I to get away from everything. Dad sure is going to hear all about it when he gets home

Pat Green

It's also true that I got invited to a tailgate party at the Army vs Air Force football game in November- Thanks Nate and Jimmy for hooking us up with the tailgating stuff- and I even brought two pretty good seats to the game. (Planned route here) Again, I may not sound excited but I am. Always love to watch a football game live and of course, watch Army and Air Force going head to head. Just hope Dad will be home by then so we can make this guys day out before the baby arrives.

View from our seats

And out of love for hockey (while thinking about the possibility of going to some Colorado Avalanche's game, even with the 2 hours drive up to the rink, what can I say, I love them. Still not sure which games I want to go to though, so we'll see) I brought a season ticket to the Cadet Ice 09-10 season. As much as I'm "hate" the Air Force (AF families, you know I love you guys, haha :P ) and wish to attend all Black Knights games, that's not possible right now, so I guess I'll settle for the next best thing- check out these plushies I brought for Sean, hopefully he'll like them. And these for the football game and the hockey games.

Air Force Cadet Ice Arena

Guess even when there are exciting things going on, at the early hours of studying and doing homework, I tend to zone off into a world of inanimateness and reality.

As I was sitting in my room studying at the early hours of 0115, for some strange reason, I picked up my old football helmet and put it on. And for hours, I just sat there and stared right at my wall.

I don't remember what I was doing, I don't remember what I was thinking, but I just sat there. Sat there and smell the sweat the helmet collected through weeks and months of practices and scrimmages. Call me weird but that is another thing I love about football, that smell of sweat and dirt collected over weeks and months. That smell you can't wash off even if you try to. I guess I was just trying to taking in the football smell as much as I can...

Before I knew it, it was 5 hours later and ready for school. As much as I didn't want to, I took my helmet off and head off to school. Sure felt like the entire world is against me this morning. At school, I saw people carrying their football gear like I once did and as I sat in class, can't help myself but feel jealous, anger, and regret.

I spend lunch and my free period doing what I wasn't supposed to do. I went against the rules and sat out by the football field. Just sat there and tried to remember something I once live for and still love. Trying to remember the crowd, the lights, the people, and the old pigskin.

I type this tonight sitting in the dark, wearing my helmet, with Dosh sitting by my side, thinking and wondering about what Coach said to me years before. Thinking about my football buddies, thinking and wondering about this amazing quote from Friday Night Lights

"We're all vulnerable and we will all at some point in our lives, fall. We will all fall. We must carry this in our hearts that what we have is special. That it can be taken from us and when it is taken from us, we will be tested. We will be tested to our souls."

I fell and I am being tested, constantly.
It's going to be a long month.

Sorry, Coach. Sorry.

Some things...just don't happen twice.

When you're part of the military life, sometimes...you wonder to yourself if the idea of "getting used to death" make you sound like a lifeless, inconsiderate fool. Death is part of life and unfortunately, it always sits in the back of your mind when you are (in any ways) related to the military. Death is part of life and when you've been to that many funerals, that many memorial serves as I have, in some ways, you become numb and lifeless. And when breaking down is no longer part of you, you wonder if you can ever break down again and you doubt you can. Until you do and it completely surprises you.

But that's Death many of us don't have to see first hand. That's Death we hear about after it passes. But what do you do when you are staring at Death right in the eye. What do you do when you are watching Death do its tormenting work on the ones you know and love?

Would you still be numb as when someone says, "On behalf of the President of the United States and a grateful nation..." Would you still be the one that tries to hold off tears as the bagpipes slowly moves away? Would your hands still shake from the sound of the rifles firing their 21-gun salute?

Me? I sat by Sean completely numb just like I did years ago attending my cousin's funeral at Arlington Cemetery. I sat there in his hospital room last night hearing him cry and beg for the pain to stop. I sat there, and like a fool, I finally realized that some things...just don't happen twice.

My parents and I, we're a country family. We're big on Country music from Johnny Cash to George Strait, from Toby Keith to Willie Nelson and that much more. It was Mom's idea to release the stress of moving to attend CMA Festival this year, since the Army have placed us in the home-state of County music. For years we've only watched it on TV and for years...I've dream to attend the biggest country party, ever. And when the day I held the 4-day pass in my lap...holy cow, I could faint from lack of breathing.

And I still am short breathed...for the couple hours I was down there in Nashville, it was amazing, the party, the music, the people. I couldn't ask for more. But some things...only happen once. Some things like life. And last night, at 2230, a little 5 year old taught me more than I can ever teach him.

And today, I am reminded of that lesson, not by Sean but my friends. Since the beginning of my blogging "career" and Twittering "management" I've met a lot of wonderful people. People like Tucker, Heidi, and Mom made my every day reading their blog and Twitter page. And just like that, I've made friends from "strangers". I learn from them as I learn from my parents and I laugh with them as if they're my friends.

Today, I give credit to my friend, LopsidedMom and her good friend Annie for reminding me that some things...just don't happen twice. Annie was diagnosed with Leiomyosarcoma early June of 2008. As I read about her condition getting worse, I pray for the best. I prayed for her and I prayed for Sean. And somehow, without thinking, I called my friend and offered him my 4-Day pass to CMA Festival.

As much as I love Country music, as much as I want to party my ass off for four days. I gave the pass away. Because of Sean, because of LopsidedMom and because of Annie, I realized what's important at hand. I realized that Sean needs me now more than I need the Festival.

Sean, with his 5 year old body and 100 year old spirit, is fighting with Death. And while I can't do anything to help the fight, I sit by his bed wishing I can do more. I sit by his bed watching Death tormenting my 5 year old cousin and once again...feel as helpless as the day I learned about the insurgents that killed my cousin.

But for now I will watch Death torment Sean. But at the same time, I am cherishing life by hanging out with Sean, by holding Sean when he's in pain and crying and more. Because, really, Sean needs me more than I need the Festival. Because, really, some things just don't happen twice.

Thanks to Mr. Kenny Chesney for that awesome line. Sorry I'm going to miss you and the closing ceremony at the CMA Festival this year but really my cousin needs me.