Frustrated. Angry. Pissed Off.

I have never been so frustrated with myself.

This has yet to be one of those difficult Sundays. Had a lot of things to take care of/do but my body just didn't want to listen. Started the morning with some major spasms then continued with low blood pressure. Then seemed like everyone want to be in this "party" as I keep getting signs of Dysreflexia and had no $%^&ing clue why.

My body was literally breaking down in front of me and I had no $%^&ing clue what was wrong. I couldn't see straight on top of the few unmentionables.

I tried getting the best of it by doing things around the house. Which turn out to be disastrous. I got real angry and real fast. I felt like I just got home from rehab. I was pissed at everything, I was yelling and swearing up and down. I couldn't control my anger nor did I wanted to.

I threw and broke things (clean up was a b$%^&) that was at my reach, I swore worse than a sailor (no offense those of you from the Navy community) and I was yelling at everything around/everyone me, including Sarah.

I think I scared her today. She's never seen me so angry.
I scared myself, I was going back to the person I don't want to be.
Maybe SCI does that to you, I don't know.

I'm sorry Sarah, for yelling.
Here comes the spasms. Where's the duct tape, I probably need to tape my mouth shut.

Monday Rant

Aside from the normal "Oh shit it's Monday" thoughts, this day was just way too long and with it being 420 I can't believe the people asking me to go out and "have fun" though we know if we ever get caught, it would be us getting the heat from our parents and other people on post. "Well then don't get caught." a friend of mine said. I wish...my Dad's got connections, my Mom's got connections, even my great-grandfather who lives miles away have connections. I rather not take the risk.

So as usually, got home finished up the chores and what I need to do, hopped on Twitter and starting to wonder why the fuck did I signed up for it in the first place. It have become to popular, people are now looking for followers. Wait, let me rephrase, begging for followers so they can be on the top charts. And what "better" way than make it a competition? (Bullshit!)

What has this world come to. Twitter wars on who's got more followers than others? What the hell? You know who I blame? Ashton Kutcher. He had the guts to challenge CNN and now US Army? What the fuck is he thinking? And the people following his lead afraid of being too "chicken", what the hell are they thinking?

Lord...what has this world come to. People don't go to bars to get drunk and fight anymore. They open their fridge, grab a couple packs of beers, hop on the internet and fight with others. What the....

Twitter/Internet wars aside, I had the "great" chance to discover an article on Armytimes.com talking about the amount of suicides in March. (Read the complete article here) Reading through it is making me depress but it's the real world right, people need to be educated.

Ya life is tough but military life seems even tougher. With deployments of a year, the break ups, the make ups, the divorce, and all that...that rate seem to have a "good" reason to climb up the charts. I think we should all stop and breathe. Then help others around us. They said that life on post brings people, families, closer together. But why aren't we, the family, helping each other when there seem to be distress of a battle buddy seems just a bit off? Even when there aren't signs of thoughts of suicides. I'm sure there are little things we can improve about our lives to make others better.

And strangely, at 2122, my mind is wondering if Dad and other family member got even the slightest thoughts of killing themselves...

I better get going and help them now before it's too late.
Monday Rant and now back to homework and studying.