Thursday, July 8, 2010

If Only I Had the Power

I saw and read her profile for the first time tonight.


I cried.

I cried because she knows what I'm going through but she doesn't.
I cried because everything is crashing down and because I am just that big of a baby.

When have I become such a cry baby, such an emo person? Crying in the dark of night and in silence being as quiet as I can so I don't wake up Sarah. Crying behind anyone's knowing so I can remain "strong" but in reality weaker and weaker everyday. "It'll get easier with time." is bullshit because chunks of my heart's been missing for almost 4 years now and now, even more is gone. Nothing makes it easier. So when did I became weak and vulnerable?


Her profile says...
R.I.P. Mom; 05.03.1957-05.26.2008 I still need you. ♥
I read that and I cried like there's no tomorrow.
I miss her. I miss that part of my life. I miss a lot of everything.
I am vulnerable and I am weak.

If I had the power, all of us would get away. Far away with nothing but shot glasses and memories. Forever or for awhile. Let's get away.

If only I had the power.


Nat '` ) said...

It's ok to cry. It's what makes us human. Sometimes, its just best to let it out. We all grieve in our own ways. Life gives us the chance to make what we want of it. And yes, sometimes those chances don't turn out the way we wish them to, but do know, that you have the power to change the way you see the world and what you wish to make of it. Don't give up buddy.

Knuckles said...


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