Last night I went to bed with a heavy heart. This morning, I woke up with a heavier heart.
My family and The Ts have been family friends for a long time. My parents knew the Ts before they got married and way before I was born. They had two kids, one boy, M and one girl, M and this past October, another boy, J joins the family. The Ts truly are old and good family friends.
Three years ago yesterday, M lost his fight with ALL (Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia) To celebrate and honor his life and him, I decided to treat The Ts to dinner. I brought some of M's favorite pizza to The T's home, we said grace, and had a fairly quiet meal together.
During dinner, we spoke a few words about M and his personal favorite pizza, Cheese. We spoke of M's words and what he used to say, "I'm sick but I like games so I'll be okay." I could already tell that The Ts didn't want to go on, not because they don't like talking about memories but because it hurts so much talking about their beloved son that was on his way to fighting off cancer and yet still lost.
Mrs. T then asked me about college. She asked me how my classes were and how I like 'em. I told her about my C++ professor and his analogy of programming to murder and Harry Potter. We smiled and decided that the professor is a weird one. Mr. T then told us about his very first programming professor and the way that professor like to intimate the students. And for the first time last night, we laughed.
After dinner, as J and Sarah play in the living room, M showed me videos of her recent musical play and major events that happened at her school last year. After those videos, M schooled through a bunch of older family films. She stopped at a video that her family and mine took years ago. As we continued to watch the video, I saw the younger me, years before my accident. I saw Mom talking to Mrs. T and I saw young M and M playing happily in the show. Mr. T broke the silence, "This was before he was diagnosed." and I nodded, I remember that trip like it was yesterday.
M, Mr. T, and myself didn't speak much after that. In the silence we tried to heal the pain of losing our loved ones to cancer but at the same time, we tried our best to remember and honor 'em. I gave M and Mrs. T a hug before I left their house. Mrs. T said a quiet "thank you" as he carried J in her arms. I looked up at her and said, "No, thank you." before giving M another hug and left the house.
After Mr. T helped me put Sarah in her car seat, we spoke a few words about dinner, about
Mad Men and then let the silence flow through the air. To my surprise, Mr. T gave me a hug. I could tell he was holding back the tears and pain but for that couple seconds, we felt comfort through each others arms.
I pulled the car out of their driveway and sat there dead cold for a couple minutes. I held back the tears for as long as I can but as I drove home, I felt a stream of tears fell down my cheeks.
I put Sarah to bed and told her how much Mom, Dad, Dosh, and I love her. And sitting alone in my room, my heart ached like no other. I miss a lot of people in my life last night. I miss Mom and wish she was here. I miss M and wish he was with his parents and his little sister. Cancer truly sucks. I miss Dad and hope he's doing well and that he'd come home soon.
I had a lot of things I needed to do last night but I wasn't in the mood and decided against doing anything. I checked my email and went to bed early.
I went to bed with a heavy heart and I woke up with a heavier one.
Reading some news this morning, I found that they have
found the body of one of the missing sailor. My heart ache for his family, for his parents, and for his friends. I may cheer for Army and not Navy but he is still one of us. I may voice my opinions about Squids but he is still "family". I may not know him or his family personally but I hurt for 'em and prayed for 'em.
I woke up with a heavier heart.
I prayed and thought about a lot today. I pray for our troops all over the world, I pray for the other missing sailor, I pray for the family and loved ones of the fallen sailor, and I pray for all the military family out there. I'm thinking of those with loved ones deployed and I am thinking about Dad. Come home soon Dad.
Because it is only with strength and unity can we help and support each other in this time of uncertainty.
Side note: There's a lot of drama going on everywhere right now and truly I am just trying to avoid 'em best I can. Let me share something that my coach once said to the team.
"CUT THAT CRAP OUT. LOOK AT YOUR JERSEY, WHO DO YOU PLAY FOR?! AND WHO DO YOU PLAY FOR?! SO WHY THE HELL ARE WE THIRSTY FOR EACH OTHERS BLOOD?!? CUT THE CRAP OUT. WE'RE A TEAM. TEAM!"
Posts
