Friday, November 13, 2009

Dream that Hurts

It's been a busy week between caring for Sarah, doing school work, physical therapy and of course, studying for the SAT 2 I'm taking in December (Not the entire SAT, oh Lord, no, just taking the two subject tests and what not so I can give the scores to the colleges I applied to- and for the people who are wondering if I submit 'em applications yet, I did, just need to wait till March/April to hear back from 'em)

But I guess busy can be a good thing, maybe, I'm not so sure yet.

Lately, I've been having the same dream and waking up in the morning, I realize some of 'em aren't dreams, some of 'em are just from my past.

Dream started out something like this:

Way before Sarah was born, my parents and I would be sitting at the dinner table, talking about our day, our highs and our lows of the day and everything in between. And out of random, I said out loud, "Mom, Dad, I want to enlist." And remember both of their mouth just froze. After a couple minutes, Dad said, "You're 14, son, let's talk about it later on, shall we? You got at least 3 years to go before I can even think about signing that paper for you."

But for some reason, I didn't want to stop talking about it, I answered, "Well I know Dad I got a few years but I already know what I want to do. Go 11 Bravo and I don't know maybe I'll get to join the Rangers or even SF!"

I remember that sad look on Mom's face but she still said with a smile, "Want to be just like your Daddy, don't you sweetheart?" I answered yes.

Dad said again, "I don't think you are so sure, son. By telling me 'you don't know' I know you're not sure what you want to do. You're 14, really, think about it and we'll talk later on, alright?"

Then time seemed to fast forwarded to when I was 17, I never got hurt, I never went to rehab, and likely, the chair never happened.

"So Dad...can you sign this?"
"This is what you want to do?"
"Yes, sir."
"Go tell your Mom you love her and head to bed, you'll get the paper back in the morning."
"Yes, sir. Goodnight, Dad."
"Night, son."

And before I knew it, I was kissing my Mom goodbye on the way to basic, my Dad never said much but shook my hand and told me to take care of myself and don't be a smart ass. I nodded and went on the bus.

Time fast forward again and I was home on leave after getting assigned to my new duty station, Ft. Campbell. The place reminded me so much of everything, after all, I lived there when I was a kid. All my friends and I hung out, we had fun and of course, I spend the time with my parents and Sarah (who was born when I was in basic)

At the end of the leave, I told 'em I'm getting deployed to AStan, neither of 'em were happy but they said they were proud of me, they told me to keep in touch and keep my head down.

I gave Mom and Sarah a kiss, gave Dad a hug and shook his hand then left the house.

I woke up with some what of a cold sweat and just minutes before my alarm goes off. There were few dreams just like this one but I was at Ft. Sill for AIT. I wouldn't classify this as a nightmare or bad dream, it's a good dream and truly, I'm glad I keep on getting the same dream over and over again.

Only bad thing about it is after I get up, I feel so good about the dream that I physically hurt. Because I know it won't ever happen to me, not in this lifetime. And even if I try to hide the hurt from my family and friends, my parents always seems know what's up. And I think in some ways, they are hurting with me.

I wouldn't change my life for the world but sometimes, you just can't help but wonder.

This week's football schedule/scores:
Winning team is in bold

Virginia Military Institute at Army- 22-17
Michigan at Wisconsin- 45-24

Maryland vs Virginia Tech- 36-9

Stanford at USC- 55-21
Washington at Oregon St- 48-21
Delaware at Navy- 35-18
UMiami at North Carolina- 33-24
Iowa at Ohio St- 27-24 OT
Florida at S. Carolina- 24-14

UNLV at Air Force- 45-17

Texas A&M at Oklahoma- 65-10
Louisiana Tech at LSU- 24-16
Arizona at Cal- 24-16
Alabama at Mississippi St- 31-3

Texas Tech at Oklahoma St- 24-17

Arizona St at Oregon- 44-21


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