Sunday, December 6, 2009

Can't Always Have What You Want

I'm on the flight home from California. A friend had a ballet performance of The Nutcracker so I thought I come out to CA to support her. I must say though I'm not a fan of shows like that, she did great. I'm extremely proud of her and I'm glad I made the trip out just to see her perform.

Now, as I am slowly flying out of California and working my way towards the Nevada border, I'm thinking of a lot of things that we want that we may not be able to get.

When we are young, the candy at the store seems like the best things to have. And even after we build up the courage to ask our parents, they tend to say no. And trying to get them to say yes, we cry, whine, and more. But that doesn't seem to work either. So thus, we end up crying our heads off when we leave the store.

We can't always have what we like and what we want.

As we get older and able to provide for ourselves, we try to full fill all the wants in our lives. Maybe your child wants a Transformer for Christmas. Maybe your husband wants a new XBOX and the new Call of Duty Modern Warfare 2. Maybe you want that iPhone or Droid you've been hearing so much about. And most of the time, those who can provide for themselves and their family do full fill every one's wants. (Maybe not every day, maybe say once a year, during Christmas)

But there are also times that you wish you can have something or even someone but sure it will never happen. It's as if you are sitting in your classroom, wishing that boy or girl would turn around and just notice you. Or even, that person will come out of their relationship to notice you, to see how much you are willing to provide for 'em just to make 'em happy .

We can't always have what we want.

I don't use the word "Love" very often. I hardly say it, I hardly type it, and I sure don't try to manipulate it into words like "ILY" or "ILYT". Love, like hate, is a strong emotion and I truly believe if used in the wrong context, you can hurt the person you are talking to. And worse, you may hurt yourself. Aside from my family, I try not to use the L word that often.

Nor do I believe that "Love" can be find without people meeting each other. Nor can a person fall for another without meeting and get to know the person. As technology gets better and better, I often laugh at the online dating sites that tend to sound so perfect for finding your "right match". Who wouldn't want to find their "right match" with just a few clicks? But is it truly possible? I don't believe it, not at all. Such thing couldn't have happen for two people who never met each other to suddenly "become the best match and live happily ever after" Can it? Is life truly like a fairy tale?

I don't believe it but why is this happening to me. I didn't know her a year ago. I have never met her, I've only met her online and talked to her through chat rooms and Skype. And now, 11 months later, I think I'm slowly falling for her. Seeing her name makes me happy. Hearing her voice makes me smile. Her words make me laugh, her personality shines through the screen. And every time I talk to her on Skype, all the troubles of my day seem to disappear.

I think of her often, even when I'm not on the computer I think of her name. When I don't talk to her, I hope and pray that she is ok and life is treating her well. Hearing her talk about her troubles makes my heart ache. Hearing her talk about her shitty day makes me wish there is something I can do to make it better. To make everything better.

We can't always have what we want.

And that is very true. As much as I'd like to get to know her better and truly get to know her, it will most likely not happen. She is having a relationship trouble her own and caught between the past with a former (also current?) boyfriend and looking into the future. I can't get myself to interrupt anything that will ruin her mindset and disrupt her. As much as I think I'm falling for her and would love to get to know her better, I just want her happy. Even if it makes my heart ache every time she talks about her relationship problems and troubles, I'll listen and hope that my words can some what cheer her up, my ears can some how release her worries and troubles. I just want her happy.

We can't always have what we want.
But I sure wish I can. I'm falling for her and I don't know what to do.

To this person: (who probably never reads my blog) I am falling for you. I ache with you when you ache, I'm sad with you when you're sad. And when you smile and laugh, it sure makes my day a whole lot better knowing that you are happy.

One night you talked about the man you are looking for and the things that you don't like in a man. As those words flow through my headphones, I ache knowing that I am that man that you are looking for. I ache knowing that I most likely will never have the chance to prove it to you. And most of all, I ache knowing that you are not happy. That though the past with him were great, you are looking for something and someone better.

I know that anything I am feeling now may just what other people call "small crush" and that this feeling leads to nothing but a dead end, but I am telling you now, I am falling for you.

Whatever happens, I wish you well, I wish you happy, and all the smiles are pure joy and not a cover for the hurt and pain that is within you.

We can't always have what we want.
But I'd sure love to have her.

Oregon v Oregon St, 37-33

USC v Arizona, 21-17
Alabama v Florida, 32-13 (GO BAMA!)

Cal at Washington, 42-10

Texas at Nebraska, 13-12 (Truly thought Texas would score more points against Nebraska, guess not they're not as good as we thought...)