Sunday, April 19, 2009

Wow it's been awhile...

Jeeze can't believe how busy I have been since I last wrote. It's 2230, had a busy Sunday and I'm still up studying and doing papers. So, taking a break, thought I write some stuff.

Like I said, it's been busy, after I got out of the hospital I had roughly a week to make up all my test before spring break so the proper grades will be entered to the progress report. I managed to study none stop and well, glad it's over. Had fun at the military ball that weekend and felt like I was somewhat back in the "loop" in terms of school and so on. Of course, I missed a bunch of school events which I wasn't happy about but hey it's life.

Spring break went fairly well, one of Dad's friend flew in for a visit but didn't know Dad was gone so he's pretty much hanging out with us till the end of his leave. Everything went alright till we found out someone on post was killed overseas and the nightmare happened again when someone else in Knox was killed.

Spc. Adam M. Kuligowski

When shit like that felt like everything around you stopped and time just doesn't seem like they're there anymore. None of us felt like hanging out, none of us felt like doing our homework, study, or even talk. Because when the news goes around, you can't help but think about your Dad or your Mom or maybe your brothers, sisters, uncles, aunts that are still serving out there. You can't help but think of the unthinkable. It's human instinct and you hate to think something bad but you can't help it. And that...most of the time, kills us slowly inside. But somehow, someway, we find our way to kick ourselves up and do what needs to be done. Weird thing is when all that slows down and you finally get the time to think, you can't help but wonder what you did wrong, what you could have done differently when the person was still around and more. Eventually you break down, you cry, you blame yourself, you blame others and zone yourself out. They called it "survivors guilt"...I didn't think it existed but it does.

Staff Sgt. Gary “Lee” Woods Jr.

When I was 7th grade, for some reason I developed a habit of looking at the casualty list from both Iraq and Afghanistan. Some part of me, when I read through the names, is glad that Dad's name or someone else I know isn't on those lists. I feel selfish for thinking that now. I feel ignorant and immature. It doesn't matter if we know them or not, it doesn't matter what branch they were from, what background they came from or what their favorite music was. They were family, the military family, and loosing any one of them hurt. Doesn't matter how many parents, brothers, sisters, aunts and uncles have fallen, every single one we loose still hurts. Because loosing family hurts.

But we carry on their name, we will forever be proud of who they are and not who they were. And eventually, we'll put a smile on our faces. Not because we finally got over a lost of a family member but because we know no matter how much it hurts, how many tears dropped, we will always and I say always be proud of every single one of them.

My deepest condolences go out to the families who lost their loved ones. (If you're reading this, I love you Aunt Beth, don't worry, we still love and miss Uncle Jerry, even though he is an %*&^, just kidding) You're not alone and please remember we are always a family. Now I didn't know Spc Kuligowski nor SSG Woods before I heard the news but somehow...I know they are my brothers and they always will be.

Rest In Peace, Spc Kuligowski
Rest In Peace, SSG Woods

God Speed


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